This is my first blog post but it’s not actually me writing at all! I asked on Instagram for people to share their experiences on how the lockdown has affected their sex lives and relationships and I was so happy to receive some responses. Each individual has given me their permission to share their experience anonymously so I’ve left it exactly how they sent it to me. I hope everyone enjoys this read and can identify with at least one thing shared.
“The few weeks before lockdown officially started, I’d had a few one night stands with friends, or friends of friends. Went out for a few drinks, really started to embrace the single life and doing what I wanted on my terms with who I wanted. And now obviously being stuck at home has changed it a lot, it’s harder to meet new people, and obvs no one night stands. The people I’ve met up with just before lockdown, I don’t really speak to them, because I just started getting to know them, and FaceTiming and speaking during lockdown is a step too far at the moment for me.
So speaking to one guy, who I’ve liked for a while, and by speaking to him pretty much every night is getting and making me become quite attached to him which is not what I want because I know nothing can or ever will work out. And maybe I like him more in lockdown cause there’s no one else for me to “obsess over” But then, when I’m upset about a guy, I will normally speak to someone else to distract myself, but how do I meet someone else on lockdown?? That’s another way I guess how my “love life” has changed. A few other guys I have, we’ll occasionally “sext” just for the fun, as there’s not much else. But doesn’t go further than that to be honest.
Then about my “sex life” I used to hate masturbating. I used to find it a waste of time and literally never did it, just didn’t really work for me. Just before lockdown a guy I was “seeing” bought me this vibrator, (which is so so amazing) and I then started to use it by myself.
Thank god he gave it to me before lockdown cause I genuinely would be ridiculously sexually frustrated, I feel I still am to an extent. And this is the longest period of time I’ve gone without sex since I lost my virginity, so is quite irritating. But not much you can do, also I guess gives me time to get in touch with my own self and body. However, I feel that by living at home, I can’t properly relax and let myself go, as I’m worried someone may walk in… so when I do masturbate it’s normally less relaxed and more forced to “get the job done”.”
“I’ve found being able to talk every night on FaceTime to recap the day and just being able to see his face helps. The week he couldn’t talk because of course work was really hard for me and I gave into destructive ways of thinking but the whole of lockdown has been a roller coaster of emotions. Nudes, FaceTime masturbation together, talking about the things we want to do to each other when we can see each other next and FaceTime strip teases have kept things spicy and letting each other know how much we miss one another and making after quarantine plans has kept things going good.”
“Lockdown for me has been mixed. It’s felt both like a chance to be by myself and not worry about the pressures of sex or dating, but then at times I’ve felt incredibly sexually frustrated and horny which I think is normal, and I’m sure everyone is experiencing similar emotions. But of course, difficult when you know you’re not going to have sex or intimacy any time soon. It’s definitely made me more in touch with my own body though, and a plus is that I don’t feel like I need to shave (not that you need to shave if you ARE having sex, but it’s a comfort preference for me). I won’t lie, I cannot wait for the day that it is safe enough to start seeing people again, I am going to be the biggest slag I can possibly be. I’m stoked. :)”
“I started having sex not too long ago, one month after meeting my boyfriend. Was still trying to figure out relationships as this is my first one, and then I had to leave London to go home to Asia because of corona. I was just starting to consider my boyfriend a real boyfriend as opposed to just dating, but then we were pushed to long distance (we’d only known each other 4 months at this point). I realised more than sex I miss just physical intimacy and closeness, it’s SO NICE to nap with someone or be hugged when you sleep. But I definitely do miss sex, and find myself needing to masturbate more than usual. Because of time zones and schedules it’s quite hard to coordinate but sometimes we do have Fun little conversations on text, I can’t do video sex because the thought of a camera on me naked is Terrifying (weird fear of having a camera on me naked, for some reason I think it’ll get hacked or someone who’s not meant to see it will haha).
Before leaving, the sex was Okay. Of course, it’s easier for him to finish faster so sometimes I’d be left feeling quite unsatisfied (he did try though, but sometimes I’d just lose the feeling). But one of the weird side effects of all this is that I think we’ve been able to communicate what we like better!! Because when we text we can say I liked when you said you’d do that etc and I think it’s given us a better idea of what the other wants :)) and I feel really good bc he always makes sure to focus on me finishing first since he knows it’s a lil harder, then when I’m done I focus on him.”
“I’m finding lockdown with my boyfriend very good on the whole although I do feel like I’m becoming annoyed at him way more easily, probably cos we’ve never really been around each other for this long like consistently, but I usually get over it quite quickly lol. Sex however I think if anything we’re having it more regularly and it’s better, maybe because we have that much more time to actually give to each other not just like in our relationship but in our sex life if you get me?”
“Personally, I’m trying to put a positive twist on it, I wasn’t getting any anyway (woop woop) but this feels different because I actually can’t. However, this has actually made me see (guys wise) who has been talking to me because they enjoy talking to me and who has been talking to me because they’d like to see my panties on the floor. To my great surprise I am actually still interacting with some boys!!! So actually not having the possibility to have sex has made me more secure with my personality and also that sexual attraction and sex itself isn’t all boobs and butts, I did theoretically know this but this situation has solidified that.”
“My boyfriend and I have always had busy schedules with our work. We’ve always managed to meet at least once a week for dinner on days when we didn’t have too much work.
Now that the lockdown has been put in, we haven’t met each other in around 60 days (which when you think of it is only 2 months but it feels a whole lot longer). It’s honestly been harder now to make things work because we work from home as well, our corporate jobs want to make the best use of our time, and the boundaries seem to blur. We’re too mentally strained to make the effort on some days.
It would have been a whole lot easier if we were living together. But we’re hanging in there. We’ll make it through.”
“I was single before lockdown started so I didn’t have the concern of not seeing a partner or being isolated with a partner but I did worry about where my next shag would come from. I desperately wanted to keep in contact with someone I’d been seeing pre-corona but understandably two months of not seeing each other or being invested caused things to fizzle out. Then I tried dating apps again for a while but I couldn’t be bothered to have a conversation with anyone or make plans to see them when this is eventually over.
I would say sex is really important to me and probably gets in the way of me getting to know somebody. Lockdown has given me the opportunity to get to know somebody without sex which is a first and I wouldn’t have done this otherwise so I’m grateful for this!
My sex life has definitely changed as I can only have sex with myself. I’ve ordered many more sex toys (rip bank account) and tried different ways of orgasming. Before I would just do the same old thing because I knew it worked but now I’ve had more time to explore and I’m by myself so there’s no pressure to orgasm. So yeah that’s great too!”
“I’ve found that it has been too easy in lockdown to slip into a pattern of not putting effort into my relationship. Not texting or facetiming my significant other has often easily become a habit, especially since we’ve both been busy revising and I find facetime exhausting even in a normal circumstance. I have been trying hard to avoid the C-word and conversations about exams when I am not working which has sometimes led to avoiding conversations altogether. I have had to really push to make myself realise that it doesn’t need to be that difficult and involve a draining or repetitive conversation about what we’ve done that day. Slowly but surely my significant other and I have started to reconnect, even if only over a short coffee break, to do an online workout together, or discuss a podcast we have both listened to. I had to realise that in order to get anything out of my relationship, I had to put something in, which, as with all things in life, seems pretty obvious, but takes a bit of time to get the hang of when there’s so much else to worry about!”
“As a selfish member of the Gen Z community, some of the first worries I had about social distancing were about my sex and dating life. I have been single for almost a year and, since then, I have been on countless dates and had my fair share of casual sex. Looking back on pre-corona times, I seemed to be trying to shag my way to finding my prince or princess charming. Although I was enjoying casual sex and dating, I had convinced myself that I would be happier in a relationship, but hadn’t yet met the right person. So, when I realised that I wouldn’t be able to continue the search, I was actually really worried about it. But then, something great happened! Isolation gave me the time and space that I (unknowingly) needed to pause, be still, and process the emotions that I have just been shoving up my vagina for the past year. I have a new-found sense of clarity and, amazingly, I’ve realised that I am perfectly happy on my own! Imagine! Isolation has actually been a surprisingly great time for me to redefine what roles I want sex and relationships to play in my life. Apparently, I needed to gather some cobwebs in my vagina to clear the ones lurking in my head… (although I’m bored now so let me out soon pls, BoJo x).”
I was surprised how much these all had in common! They all touched on positives that the lockdown had brought to their sex lives and relationships and how they’re managing. Thank you all for sharing and for bringing me so much joy right now.
Please message me your thoughts on my first blog piece!